There are days. And then there are DAYS. Sometimes there is just too much to bear, and the weight of our burdens causes us to collapse. Yesterday was one of those days for me.
I started out putting on my armor. I spent time with God in His word, and it was a beautiful morning. Then, a call from someone with terrible struggles in her life, a message from another friend that caused me pain, an angry text from one of my kiddos, and- the straw that broke it all- a request for me to do a job this summer that may stretch me beyond my abilities and time. I am not a crier, but the tears came. Perhaps I was too tired, perhaps I have too much going on in my life, or perhaps God wanted me to talk to Him more.
Prayer- I guess I haven’t made much time for that lately. I seem to pray more when I am getting smashed by life. Oh, I praise and thank Him, and I’ll put in some requests for others and ask for His blessings upon them. But the real, down-to-earth, best friend talks are few and far between.
It is so hard to make time to simply be with God. Our lives are just too noisy, too on-the-go, too packed-to-the-gills full. Sigh. My quiet times aren’t very quiet. And then the distractions- this needs to be washed, this needs to be cleaned, this person needs a call back, that bill is demanding attention… oh look, the bird feeder is empty. The dogs need water, I had better set a sprinkler, oops I need to finish lesson planning, oh and correcting. Good grief! Why can’t I just sit and be? I think part of my problem is that I am surrounded by my job, 24/7, and for the most part I like doing it. But also, our worth in this culture is tied up with how much we’ve gotten done that day. Output, quantity, do, do, do.
I need to “‘Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'” ~Psalm 46:10. In the KJV, it is “Be still”. Hmm. Can I be still? Can I cease striving? Will I choose to do this?
Here are verses 1-3 of Psalm 46~ “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change, and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride.”
Today is shaping up to be another difficult day. A why me? kind of day. An “I want to go crawl in a cave and not deal with these people” kind of day. Sigh. I guess I should go talk to my Heavenly Father, my refuge and strength, and see what kind of mercies He has new for me this morning!